Thursday, January 13, 2005

Vote Crazy


Last night i attended an internet-organized event for
people who vaguely support the efforts of a man named
Tony Knowles to run for the US Senate.
You'll enjoy this Crazy Eruption regardless of
political slant, but to fully appreciate it, a quick
word on who Knowles is and what this campaign is
Knowles, a Democrat of the went-to-'Nam variety
(and of the Loves-Oil variety, which is the only
variety in Alaska) is probably the state's #1 local
politician - he' a two-time mayor of anchorage, a
two-time governor which he had to quit because of term
limits and just tons of nice things like parks and
trails are named after him. So many, in fact, that
until I found out about this race, i assumed he was
And he wants the Senate seat currently held by Lisa
Murkowski who, as I mentioned, was appointed to the
seat by her father. But this is much bigger than just
a 49th state deal becauce of all the US Senators
seeking re-election this year, she is among the very
weakest and Knowles certainly has the resume to beat
Much more importantly, if just one or two Ds can
beat one or two Rs this time around, the Senate will
flip back to D control and all hell will break loose
in DC, Dubya or no Dubya.
All of which makes Knowles a serious man at the
center of a very serious race.
So I and about 30 people sat around the local Pizza
place last night, called the Moose's Tooth, wondering
if Knowles was going to show up. And about the time
the pies showed up, so did Tony.
So he begins to circulate among the crowd, shaking
hands at each table for about 30 seconds and moving
on. He skipped my table, which made me, mandy and
danny very mad cuz we wanted to know what he planned
to do to clean up all the Crazy.
Instead he went to the table just past us, and
Crazy found him.
We knew something was up when he had been hovering
over the table for 10 minutes and the only voice we'd
heard was the shrill, scolding voice of one of the
women sitting there. We couldn't hear her very well,
but on and on and on she went. I looked over and Tony
- the man out to switch the balance of power in the
world's mightest government - was smiling and nodding.
And then, well into the lady's 15th minute of
ranting, our table hit a lull in conversation and
these words came floating over to us:

"...and what they need to do is put something in the
water that makes everyone sterile. Until they're
qualified to be parents" - laugh laugh laugh - "no,
they need to."

Needless to say, my head snapped up but-quick and
there was Knowles, trying to become one of the 100
most powerful men on earth, nodding and smiling like
they were talking indexing benefits to inflation and
on and on she went.

Maybe all candidates for US Senate have to suffer
the rantings of the Art Bell-set, but I just can't see
John McCain or Bill Frist putting up with it for 15
unbroken minutes. or getting it at the very first
event the campaign bothers to hold.
But I guess in Alaska, if you don't get the Crazy
Vote, you don't get any votes at all.